I work remote, but occasionally have to travel to New York City for in-office events. During these events I sit in a conference room with the rest of my team all day. We usually have a team dinner planned during the week or something.
Tuesday I got into New York and later that night we went out to dinner. This ended up going until 10:30pm, which is pretty late for me (I usually am in bed by 10). It was also announced that day that we would go bowling today (Wednesday). After a day of sitting in a conference room for 8 straight hours, I really didn’t feel like going out with my coworkers or drinking beer til 10 or 11 at night. I told my coworkers I was going to skip it because I wanted to go to the gym and I made something up about having to file my taxes by tonight, but I think they generally understood that I just didn’t want to go.
I also was never explicitly invited; we were just told “we are going bowling on Wednesday”, so I think there was the expectation that I go, but I strongly feel that nobody should be obligated to go to an after-work event (especially since I already went to one).
How would you handle the situation? How do you get out of these kinds of events?
Honestly, I would just tell them
“No thanks”
Remember that no is a full sentence and you don’t owe an explanation to anyone. It’s not a part of your job, unless they pay you to attend. But they almost certainly don’t. I know it’s easier said than done, but try to not succumb to social pressure, it makes life so much better. Our free time is already very limited, so spend it how you want to. If they still try to pressure you into going/giving them answer you can say it’s something personal/private. And if they still pry further you could mess with them by making something up that makes them feel like a total jerk (this is pretty delicate, some people will definitely try to get revenge for this, even if it’s totally irrational. So think about it carefully, alternatively make them regret prying another way that doesn’t hurt them emotionally & socially)
Some people will not like if you behave that way, but try to live your life the way it fullfills you/makes you happy. There’s always gonna be people that don’t like or straight up dislike you, but fuck 'em. They’re not even worth thinking about when you’re busy enjoying life :)
Sorry for the wall of text. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents on the matter