Men on dating sites:
Posting one of the few photos of themselves they have
Posting a photo they have where they’re actually happy and feeling a sense of accomplishmentOnly to be ignored by any actual women. Guaranteed to be accosted by bots and time wasting sex workers.
I don’t know how there are any straight men left on dating sites other than the “top 10%,” of course.
I dunno either.
And people wonder why incels are a thing…
There isn’t any excuse for incel behavior. Those guys are trash.
You misunderstand. I am not excusing the incel community. Any sympathy I had for them died years ago, and frankly I think any guy who thinks women deserve retribution because they won’t sleep with them is a fucking coward.
But here’s the thing, I think it’s a horrific symptom of our societal ills, not a cause. Inceldom is an economic issue first and foremost.
We are a society that profiteers from human misery in so many ways. Men are judged quite harshly for their wealth, status and their ability to provide, even when we’ve made great strides to bring about equality between the sexes. Wealth inequality has created a predominantly male underclass. This affects many things like being able to afford a home, access to physical and mental healthcare, etc.
Another thing that I think doesn’t help is how we’ve commodified sex in so many ways, but that’s a very deep subject that would take me way too long to go into.
Online dating specifically is a monopoly headed by just two parent companies. They want your experience to be as miserable as humanly possible so that they can sucker you into paying the cost of several MMO subscriptions just to use the premium tier of their apps.
The problem isn’t women, it’s that Bumble Inc and Match Group couldn’t give a flying FUCK about the integrity of their platforms. Socially awkward people depend on these apps to find love and their world view is being poisoned by a lack of interest from anybody who isn’t a bot, sex worker, scam artist or a lady from the other side of the world seeking to marry their way into their country.
You gotta understand just how few pictures men have of themselves. Most of us aren’t randomly taking selfies; a lot of us don’t even have pictures of us with our friends.
I do photography and have thousands of photos, I have like actually 10 of myself, and those were mostly taken by my friend with the intent of putting on dating apps.
Online dating has evercerated my self confidence though. So I just detest photos of myself ever more.
The point is the effort. Dating takes effort. If you can’t even make the effort to ensure you get a nice pic or two of yourself, how much effort are you going to put into a relationship?
There are very easy ways to take pics of yourself without it being a selfie nowadays. Phone tripods with Bluetooth remotes exsist for $25 off Amazon.
“We just don’t have pics of ourselves.” …so take some, instead I of just rolling over and saying “oh well.”
quickly jots down notes, “go fishing… catch fish… show to barbie.” got it, now what? I’m recently single after a long marriage, HOW DO I ATRACT WOMEN?11!?!
HOW DO I ATRACT WOMEN?11!?!
Excessive amounts of Axe or Old Spice. Those ads would never lie about their efficiency!
This is the helpful advice I was looking for! Heh
20 years later…. Why am I still single?!?1 I followed expert advice from Lenny!!!
Talk to them. Just put a picture of yourself smiling nicely on your dating app and listen. Be a good dude.
Just put a picture of yourself smiling nicely on your dating app
About that … https://healthland.time.com/2011/05/27/advice-for-online-daters-if-youre-a-guy-dont-smile/
I can say that would turn me off.
Yeah, it’s a broad generalization, and the article is 12 years old so trends may have changed since then.
Maybe because I’m almost 50 and tired, but I just want someone who is nice to me.
I gave up after my second divorce, I hope you have better luck. Beware, most seem to be looking for free everything with no work for them.
You effectively can’t just talk to women on dating sites. Thanks to how matching works, you have to successfully sell yourself with pictures to get your profile read, and successfully sell yourself with words in the profile before you can actually talk with anyone.
Back before matching was a thing, it wasn’t much better. You could talk but you’d usually be ignored because the woman’s inbox would be filled with too much crap for her to go through it all.
To be honest I’ve never used a dating site, I’m too old.
Lucky you.
Wouldn’t it be more realistic if Barbie was also Ken? Since most catfishs are dudes going for dudes?
Or is the meme referring to something else?
Yes, the meme is referring to something else.
For some reason, cishet american men on dating apps love to put a picture of themselves holding up a fish they caught while fishing as one of their dating profile pics.
Nobody really knows why that’s supposed to attract a potential dating partner, but it’s really common.
Nobody really knows why that’s supposed to attract a potential dating partner, but it’s really common
Back when I did online dating I wrote about playing computer games, not because I expected that to be attractive to the average woman (of course it isn’t) but because I was hoping to meet one of the rare women who shared my interest.
A friend of mine managed to marry a woman who agreed to have their honeymoon be a week-long canoe trip through the wilderness in Maine, complete with living off of the fish they caught. It can happen!
Ah
I’d guess it should send a “see how I can provide for food even without using money” kind of way?
But yeah it’s stupid
To be fair if fishing is your passion it s normal to want to show it.
We just don’t have a lot of photos of ourselves, I’d imagine even less selection if you only count recent photos since that’s probably what you would want to put on a dating profile.
As someone who does not use dating apps, it seems to me that a lot of men who are not city dwellers get lots of joy out of fishing. It seems rather insulting to demean someone for showing one of their favorite activities to potential mates. To those who would do that, I would ask why not simply move on quietly?
Now that I think of it, those men are dodging bullets like Neo. Smart guys. If I ever decide to put myself out there, I’m putting up pictures of myself at a campground with a fishing rod and bicycle in the background. That should weed out any women who expect four star resorts, expensive restaurants, and expensive toys for their mere presence.
I think you’re misunderstanding the point of the whole meme, and by extension, what i have been saying. It may be more common for country dwellers, but it’s also incredibly common for city dwellers.
There is also never a woman in any of these pics. It’s usually a dude with a bunch of other dudes. I understand that it might be your hobby, and there’s nothing wrong with that being your hobby.
But if it’s a hobby you only share with other dudes and not your partners, and it’s the only hobby on your dating profile, and it’s the most common “only hobby i have pictures of myself doing” for men on dating sites, then at least one of the following isnt probably true:
- you’re not differentiating yourself from any other dude in my inbox
- you’re showing off to me that, even if you do have other hobbies, you’re probably not going to take pictures of me/us doing them, and i’m not even sure if you have any hobbies that i would be into, if i am not into fishing
- you don’t think any other hobbies are important enough for a partner to care about, except fishing
- you don’t take a lot of pictures of yourself having fun in general. the only reason that fish pic was taken is because you were proud of it in a way that your other masculine friends could take a picture of you without making fun of you
again, i’m speaking from experience on dating apps, and from anecdotes from other women i know. It is incredibly common (i would guess, as a city girl, who only matches with other people in my city, and not surrounding rural areas, at least 20-40%) for a picture of you fishing with your guy friends to be the only picture of you doing anything you enjoy.
Even if that’s your primary hobby, there’s dozens of other dudes in my inbox for whom that is their only hobby that they care enough to take pictures of.
Otherwise you’re just showing me 3-4 face (and/or, for some reason, shirtless) pics and a pic of you fishing with your bros. It’s not appealing, and it’s far from unique. You’ve also not shown me anything we can do together, and your profile mentions nothing else either.
And no, i’m not looking for a man to take me to four star restaurants or whatever else you think i’m after. I make good enough money to cover my needs and hobbies and treat both myself and my partner with nice stuff and experiences. I want someone who is going to spend time with me, with whom i share hobbies, interests, and ideals.
I have a serious question for you. If a man is looking for a woman on a dating site, why would he post a bunch of pictures with women? I mean, it seems like it would raise more issues.
Do you want to see other women in his pictures to show that he is dateable? Maybe you want to compare yourself to his past relationships? As a man, I would not post pictures of me with women when I’m looking for a woman. The whole point is to highlight me and my eligibility, not raise questions of whether I’m a womanizer looking for my next conquest.
Then again, maybe that’s what you’re looking for? Someone who’s cool, and has lots of women hanging around him? I don’t know.
However, I do agree that if all he has on the profile is fishing, he’s probably not doing much else. I’d include a whole lot more stuff.
Funny thing is, what you say you seek is what I used to seek, but somehow I always ended up broke and overworked when i was with women. Maybe you’re one of the good ones I never found. Oh, well.
I think someone is really fishing for compliments here.
This smells a little bit fishy.
Margot, it sounds like you’re a bit jelly of the fish
I’m an actress, not a jellyfish, you silly billy!
