If I was expected to parallel park when I got somewhere, I’d just go home.
Recently I was driving behind someone and they decided to parallel park. One smooth motion and they were in, like, damn.
The best parallel park I ever did was the first and only time I ever tried ketamin. I felt like William Tell. Perfect alignment, gaps, speed, confidence, everything.
I’ve never been able to replicate it.
Edit for the kids reading this: I do not recommend taking ketamin in order parallel park well or in fact for any other reason. Your results will likely vary enormously from my one-off anecdote.
Yoda moment
Please don’t do drugs and drive. And don’t brag about it on the internet. This is how people die.
Yes, you’re right. My bad.
When I was 16 taking the driving test, I executed the parallel park so perfectly they didn’t even let me finish.
“OK. You got it. Now do this…”
Was really bummed out as I’d practiced so much.
I am parallel parking champion. And when my wife and I work together, our team is a masterclass in parallel parking.
I got so good by hitting lots of things and getting my car stuck at weird angles. Living in NJ for two years gave me lots of opportunities to practice and improve my skills.
The biggest first tip I can give anyone: as long as you don’t completely pass the car you’re trying to park behind, you can never pull too far forward before beginning your maneuver.
Also, if anyone honks at you, calmly check to see if you’re about to hit something—if not, they’re trying to tell you that you’re doing an awesome job! Thank them for their compliment by waving gleefully with either 1 or 5 fingers, your choice.
ETA: oh yeah! Secret sauce reveal. Get some blind spot mirrors but focus them towards your tires. It’s like a cheat code for parking in any situation.
