But then I’ll have one less watermelon.

I’ve pondered frozen hot dogs. You can get a pack of 36 and whip’em from your car into recipients’ homes and driveways. If you don’t actually break anything you minimize how much anyone else will care, and you might force them to decide whether to whine to the cops/courts about vandal hot dogs or just relish their new reality.

I think Durians would be more memorable, especially if you smash them a bit and let them start rotting before you drop them off.

Maybe in 2012 grocery prices buddy. Not now.

Less sinister than nailing a chicken to their door I guess

Call the offices of James P Alibini and see of they handle hate crimes first.

“Oh look, somebody on drugs left a watermelon on my porch”

People who are up at 3 am underestimate the experiential variety of people on a regular schedule.

I’d just assume it was for somebody else, wrong address, and leave it.

This is sort of relevant if you’ve got an hour to sit and listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kNPmTZQySk

Or do this and save a few bucks.
One day out of the blue, I received a text message, “Dude… I just received my 13lb block of cheese!!”

No idea who sent it. Wasn’t even an area code I recognized. But 10 years later, my wife and I still reference it. That one text has taken top-tier residence in my brain, and the person who sent it didn’t need to go to the store to buy watermelons or go out at night making deliveries.

And if you leave an axe in it, you’ll occupy the whole neighborhood’s minds for some time.

Aka the HIMYM pineapple on the nightstand

Wasn’t there some copypasta about someone leaving a pineapple on their bully’s step and driving them mad

For a while a friend of mine would occasionally buy a bunch of muffins from the grocery store, put googly eyes on them, and drive around town leaving ones at random doorsteps.