Every account you ever had, every post/comment you ever posted, now has your real name, a photo of you, and your address, all just magically show up on the webpage right next to each of your posts/comments (also, no “hacking” could hide the info). All deleted posts/comments are magically restored and nothing you do (short of permanently shutting down the website and physical destruction of the servers) can delete them. (Any edits would still show every change you made.) How fucked are you?
And don’t think about changing your name, or moving, all this info updates in real time. (for “magic” reason)
(You also cannot delete any future posts.)
I regularly enter fighting game tournaments under this name, and my face has been on stream several times. While I’d prefer not to keep my full name and identifying info too easy to find, if someone wanted to track me down they probably already could using that.
I don’t have anything too embarassing to expose either. My worst crime is arguing with people on the internet way too much, but I don’t think anyone’s going to have much reason to want to go after me for that.