it’s a toxic space

SoftTeeth@lemmy.world

@lemmy.world

Please share your wisdom, I always get snarky as hell and I don’t like that about myself

Sure, and I wouldn’t be bringing up the same subject when consoling a friend who was just treated this way by their partner, or talking to a friend who just treated their partner this way. But the context here is the discussion section of a post of a screenshot of a post of a stranger recounting their experience. I’m not trying to help Silverwing Secundus; they’re not here in this thread. There’s a lot of discussion in this comment section about common experiences and gender relations. So it seems perfectly natural to bring up one of the most significant influences on the way people of opposite genders interact in our society.

is belittling to tell a victim

Good thing I’m not telling that to a victim then.

Claiming everyone is a victim of social hierarchy isn’t helpful

Analyzing cultural and systemic issues is good, actually.

Thank you for making me introspect about my snarkiness on Lemmy. You’ve helped me see how much of a dipshit it makes me look like

I think you’re quite correct in this analysis as well. Historically, women have often had to depend on a husband for financial security and to be this instrument of protection. This archetype of the provider and protector husband is still baked into our patriarchal culture and leads women who don’t deconstruct this attitude to treat their male partners as you describe, and men in straight marriages to feel this burden alone. I’ve seen it often lead to insecurity and self doubt among husbands who feel they can’t live up to this impossible expectation, who also for the reasons widely discussed in this thread don’t feel able to express this insecurity and doubt, or are punished for doing so because it goes against their culturally-prescribed gender role of the strong male protector.

Edit: I’m not saying the patriarchy isn’t real, it definitely is and should be dismantled. But you need to interrogate your own righteousness or you’re just spreading neoliberal schlock to make yourself feel better about how women can be shitty to men.

“neoliberalism is when you want to dismantle patriarchy”

patriarchy is a social hierarchy system, not the set of all men. It harms women and men in distinct but very real ways

Things everyone must learn themselves because patriarchy instills in them the opposite:

• Women are people
• Men are human

There’s not medication for autism, and self-awareness is immensely helpful