I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
My mom isn’t into tech at all, so she has no real tech that needs supporting aside from her TV.
My dad, on the other hand… he’s in his mid-80s, and sliding into Dementia, so I have to be careful and break instructions down into the simplest and easiest-to-remember form as possible. But even with his problems he still takes the time out to google his own issues, find solutions, and if those don’t work he comes to me with his entire workflow for me to look over to see where he went wrong. And then he still tries to absorb what I’ve done to help him.
The dude is 85, with a 5th grade education, suffering from dementia, and he still does better with “struggling with tech” than a majority of people out there.
I am definitely seeing a time when he starts shutting down certain programs for the last time, and eventually even the entire computer, but damn I’m proud of the old fossil.
It’s why I take as long as he needs with whatever problem he has.
Knowing how to find and implement good information you need to solve problems is even more important than having an education.
I was an electrician for 14 years and now im a software developer. I get so many people asking me to do small things around their house for electrical and while im there they ask, “he can you look at my phone/computer, its not running like it used to”. I will look at it and see if its an easy fix but sometimes i need to say no i dont do that
Someday, all your elders will be dead, and you might wish you’d spent more time with them.
yeah, quality time and not figuring out the hell they did this time that fucked up device X and then spending an afternoon trying to undo the consequences of their ignorance
You must’ve had nice elders
About 25/75 split. You can guess which side is which. Almost all my family is dead and I miss them. Some more than others.
“Why do you always help so-and-so and never return my calls?”
So and so knows to bring the fucking cookies when they fuck their shit up, sherlock.
Oh god my mom says this all the fucking time. I help my old babysitter the most, whenever I can, because even throughout my parents divorce, and without pay, she kept taking care of my sisters and I. Even though she was extremely poor and working another job. My moms just outright abusive.
I help out people where I can. Some are great, and grateful. Some break things much worse, or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data. You do need to set boundaries, and be candid about your own: “You call yourself a computer guy?” “No, I call myself an embedded software developer, I haven’t touched a Windows box in ten years, other than yours”.
Do realize that a lot of people are genuinely victims of their own tech, these days. There are people who’d probably rather not use a computer, but have no choice.
or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data
That can happen on windows
Windows - not even once.
Sure it’s annoying but I don’t mind helping grandma with her Word doc after she cooked dinner for everyone
I’m quite surprised by the fact that so many people here seem to be bothered by that. To me, having friends and family also means helping each other when we can. I am good with tech, but I am awful with many other things, and I am really glad that I do know that my family and friends will also help me.
I love my mother in law. After a day of staring at a computer we may go to her house for dinner. Sometimes after dinner it becomes chore time without my knowledge. “Oh, I can’t log into the bank to pay my bills.” “Can you please change the lightbulb in the bathroom?” “The printer doesn’t work” “why is my phone slow?” She doesn’t do it to be annoying, she does it because she needs help. Once she thinks of one task there is usually another that she remembers. I am tired from work and full of food but always say yes and do it.
We talked to her and asked her to make a list and we review that list when we arrive. This way we can prioritize tasks that must be done vs those that my partner can do or that can wait. This has worked well for us because it is addressing her needs while not overwhelming us.
I wish I could be paid in more than not being yelled at for a while
Grow up. I don’t mean this as an insult. You’ll see how your attitude ages.
You can go the nuclear option. My mother used to complain constantly that her computer was slow, and could I take a look at it. This developed into a fortnightly ritual where I would remove the Internet Explorer toolbars she’d added that took up a full third of her laptop’s screen, then run an antivirus scan for 5 hours or so to remove the malware she kept re-installing. Eventually, I got tired of it and told her I would either install something she couldn’t mess up as easily, or she could fix her own problems going forward. She agreed to trying something new, and her laptop got a nice Linux Mint install. I guess she really loved her malware, as she soon lost interest in the laptop, despite offers to show her how to do what she wanted to, which really weren’t more elaborate than opening Firefox and going to her email, facebook, etc, but I guess a new desktop icon and no toolbars was a bridge too far for her.
I set my dad up with Ubuntu some years ago. He wasn’t the worst windows user, but he had some troubles.
Now he’s a big Linux fan. Updates his OS himself sometimes. He’s not extremely savvy, but he gets by enough.
When the laptop is configured as a Perpetual Engagement Machine, is it any wonder that stripping off all the flashy “CLICK ME! CLICK ME!” buttons causes your mom to lose interest in it?
Feels like you took all the bells and flashing lights off her slot machine. Why even pull the lever if its not going to overwhelm your senses with engagement?
“Oh, I wish I could help, but I don’t know anything about that. That’s not my area of expertise.”
Get good at variations of that theme or you will be miserable. That or start a side business where you charge for your services.
Honestly ive helped so much ive been completely cemented in everyone’s mind as a generalist. I worked IT at a computer shop, even doing logic board level rework, fixing iPad and iPhone screens, cameras and ports, I woodwork so I can fix, put together and install most furniture kits, and make some original stuff, with that you become generally handy so ive done basic electrical and appliance repair (fixed the dishwasher, vacuum cleaner and some smaller things) and even some light plumbing when fixing toilets and sinks and leaks.
“Good workers are rewarded with more work” right?😭
And as long as you keep sharing that information with your friends and family, they’re going to keep expecting free help. You need to get used to saying “I don’t know”, even when you do.
My friends help me with stuff that I need help with, too. I’m the tech person and the person to help with organization. They’re the people with good backs!
Now if I do work for hours on something they compensate me more but we’re pretty chill.
Boundaries are important!
It stopped when I started asking for 50€ per hour. It was 20 years ago.
I’m a professional photographer which is sort of tech adjacent to people that don’t know much about tech so I get this too which is funny because my brothers career is based around helping people with their tech problems and they think I know just as much as he does because we both “work with computers”
There’s a lot of cringey responses in this thread. Just be a nice person and talk to your family and friends in an open and honest way.
Firstly, this happens in any profession. I’m a tax consultant. People always want to talk to me about tax.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
When someone says “my wifi isn’t working” they’re not necessarily saying “please will you come over and fix my wifi”, often they’re really saying “what should I do to solve this problem” and the answer is usually “turn it off and on again, update adobe reader, if it’s still not working take it to whatever shop.”
If someone directly asks you “please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”, which never actually happens, then you just deal with it as appropriate. “Sorry nan I have a lot going on right now, you’ll have to take it to the shop”.
And if someone says “hey, can you come fix my computer,” and when you show up she just lays in bed and looks at you longingly from there, that means you really got to fix the computer and then leave so she can get some sleep.
Yeah, look she couldn’t even dress up to greet you. She must be really really tired
“please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”
This actually happens quite frequently. It’s rare to leave a family party without a follow up appointment to look at a persons tech.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
“Yeah but you know tech so you must just be sand bagging”
My point is, you just have to navigate these interactions as you would any social encounter.
If someone asks me to stop whatever I’m doing and go and do whatever thing for them I would politely decline and explain why I’m unavailable.
It’s kind of preposterous to suggest that someone who is asking you for free help would tell you you’re “sand bagging” when you told them you’re unable to. I don’t really have friends or family like that. If I did it would be the same approach though - just having an open and honest conversation about why I can’t help.
I was always really fortunate in that my family didn’t bother me too much with tech support requests - mostly because I didn’t really get into a technical career when I lived near them.
However, I did have the misfortune of becoming ‘the photographer.’ I always really loved photography, and when I could, I bought one of the first model DSLR’s. I shot mostly for myself. I’d sometimes do paid work, but generally, I just liked wandering around and getting pictures of things I thought were interesting. For about a 5-10 year period, I was just expected to be the photographer for every life event for everyone in my immediate family, and I found it really dehumanizing.
I was not Monument the friend, the brother, the son, the uncle, or whatever, but ‘the camera.’ I could not enjoy the experience of being at events, or even of taking pictures for myself unless I ‘forgot’ my camera at home, or flat out refused to take pictures for other people. I’ve had strangers interrupt me while shooting to take their picture - both with their camera (tourists, mostly) or with my own camera.
When my camera fell behind in technology, I more or less shelved it in favor of crappy cell phone pictures for documenting things, but I still sort of have bittersweet feelings about using a DSLR to make art. I feel like the expectation sort of ruined the joy of shooting for me.I’m vaguely the tech gal for my aunt, but she never wants anything complicated, it’s not like I’m capable of a lot, but she never demands it.
