Yeah but that’s not as fun. Yarrr

I’m not sure if this will fulfill your needs entirely, or how you feel regarding piracy to obtain source material, however I’ve been running Jellyfin for a while with an overall good experience. Subtitles are found and automatically applied, and it’s rather snappy.
I use it to watch an episode or two when I’m at the gym.

I used to have a partner like this. She would comment on my face as I’m being serious in a part of a game haha.

She was sweet however some incident caused us to realise it was no longer working on a romantic level. It’s a very sweet feeling though.