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If Grandma wants to watch me flick the bean, that’s a her problem.
I close my bedroom door. I can’t stop them from watching but I can at least warn them. Why would they want to watch anyway. That’s weird.
It’s probably like watching porn for them. I bet God even watched Jesus while he fucked hookers in his youth.
Lining the walls with tinfoil is supposed to work.
Goodbye wifi and cellular coverage.
Holy shit I laughed out loud at this!
In the days immediately after my dad’s death, I had the house to myself and had retreated to my basement/office space to have a stress-relieving wank. Just outside of my space was my daughter’s battery-operated activity table that was known to play jingles at random. What it was not well known for was playing the giggling sound effect at random. So imagine how quickly I put my dick away when that table laughed at me not once, not twice, but three times in the span of a minute.
If that wasn’t my dad’s ghost making fun of me, I don’t know what it was.
maybe you just got really lucky and picked the statistically most optimal time for it to play three giggle sounds back to back, while you were jorkin it.
One time I was throwing kid toys into the toybox when suddenly a horse whinny came out of the box. I thought Frau Blücher had showed up.
And pasta has been made
Are we witnessing history being made?
I’m not eating that pasta…
It has Alfredo in it
I love Alfredo! I don’t like the sauce on that pasta.
I have a theory that when people go to church, they go for the intention to change their privacy settings, and the priest just reads out each setting and people do the cross to agree with each setting.
I have gotten no evidence of the contrary so it must be true! /s
church
do the cross
Me, stripping off and getting hard
How’s Grandma gonna’ get 'er rocks off?
Fun fact:
The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time. So I guess the souls just chill out until the rapture happens?
A plain reading suggests that everyone is dead and stays that way until the eschaton when they’re resurrected. So the only people in heaven would be the Jewish souls that Jesus directly put there that had been dwelling in the gloomy underground afterlife.
heaven is not a place you go. it’s a state of you, your surroundings and the world. we create it not get taken to it. that’s the hard part people don’t get. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE US, WE WILL NOT BE MAGICALLY TELEPORTED ANYWHERE
Of course I won’t be teleported, I’ll just slowly ascend into the sky, where the oxygen thins out, and I eventually freeze solid in the vacuum of space.
space right
As much as this sounds negative, the optimistic nihilist in me sees it as a beautiful liberating realization.
it’s not negative. be in charge of your own destiny and stop giving hope to a false idea
Yeah that’s what I was getting at. But so many people are conditioned to think the opposite. Say those last couple sentences to a random Christian in my town and they will think it’s the darkest and possibly most hateful shit they’ve heard in a long time.
that’s because they arent Christians, just use the name
The lines are going to be terrible.
Another fun fact, there are no Pearly Gates in the Bible.
John of Patmos would like a word with you:
And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.
- Revelation 21:21, KJV
Here’s the full chapter for context. There may be some room for arguing whether the “new Jerusalem” is Heaven. But since it’s pretty clear that God lives there, I think it fulfills the same general purpose.
I think that’s the Dispensationalist view, but I’m not sure how much of that is explicitly supported by Biblical text. Someone could correct me if I’m wrong.
The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time.
I don’t think that’s clear in the text, and that’s historically been a major point of theological contention. I think the debate in the US 1800s over “soul sleep” and the affiliated quasi-cults that sprung up after the Millerite movement (Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovahs Witnesses) had very strong opinions on whether you go to heaven immediately, stay “asleep” in the ground until God starts resurrecting people, wait in some kind of cosmic waiting room for the resurrections, or if you are just flat out dead until God wakes you up. (Of course, JW’s are so committed to bad exegesis that they’ll die rather than receive a blood infusion, because “don’t eat animal blood” in the ritual purity laws of course means “don’t receive human blood infusions.”)
Think about Mormon baptism for the dead. Those people aren’t in heaven or hell (because at least the lower kingdoms of heaven aren’t even set up yet - all of us non-Mormons are going to be hanging out on Earth 2.0 when we die). Mormons are experts at genealogy because they’re trying to make sure that every great-great-great-great-grandparent they have gets a chance at salvation.
hard pill to swallow but we get reincarnated over and over again there are no souls in the ground or “cosmic waiting room”. we are forced back until we “build heaven on earth”
That might be your belief system, but it has little to do with the text of the Bible and historical/modern ideas of its interpretation.
idc about modern interpretations. believe what you want no skin off my back
How did you arrive at your belief system? I don’t really see any textual support for your beliefs in the Bible (which is fine, but it seemed like you were making claims based in a Christian framework from context). Are you on here to proselytize?
Yeah, they hadn’t figured out relativity yet back then. The soul departs the body at the speed of light, meaning everyone who does reaches heaven instantly. Since it’s so far away, from our perspective, it takes essentially forever thanks to time dilation.
You can trust me, I have a PhD in bullshit.
Yes, that’s what purgatory is for, it’s basically a waiting room before heaven
Nana is so proud of you
LOL silly thot, there’s no such thing as heaven.
Heaven is defo the boring place. I want to have all the hung gay twinks all day for all of time, sipping all sorts of liquor and frotting with lucifer. I have a penthouse suite waiting for me, and a great time for all 😎
Sounds like a delusional effort to deny observable reality. There’s no afterlife and y’all are wasting your time begging thin air for a better post-life future that’ll never come.
Maybe gramma’s into it?
Maybe gramma gobbled nut sacks all year round? That stuff could be hereditary.
I just figure no one cares about most people on earth already, if heaven were really why would they care about them then? They have an eternity to plan, what’s 60 years of fucking up and winding up dead in a gutter compared to that
I think there’s nuance to this.
Any family deceased family member of yours who belongs in heaven is going to give you privacy when you need it
people don’t have omniscience to just peer through the veil and watch a “family member” or anyone else for that matter
as far as you know.
this is a fact don’t get hung up too much on religion
I don’t consider myself to be religious. But I hang out with Jesus pretty frequently. He hides from the Christians with me.
He figures a non-religious guy who looks like me is the best guy to hang out with to not be noticed by the crazy Christians
hang with “jesus” but you cosplay as a tyrant false god? lol ok bro… you seem really confused. hope you find clarity
what the hell are you talking about?
Or once you see the private lives of every person, all the time, you quickly understand that everyone does weird shit in private and voyeurism just loses its novelty entirely. People fucking or picking their nose will be no more interesting that someone walking down the street.
People fucking or picking their nose will be no more interesting that someone walking down the street.
Hell it barely is now…
Yeah but my grandmother was 104 when she died. She married my grandfather when she was in her twenties and I really don’t think she was really all that bothered about him it was just the done thing back then.
She definitely would take the opportunity to be judgy, while at the same time technically passing the requirements by her own standards to be in heaven.
How do they know when that time is without having first witnessed some ball gobbling?
Do we just have ancestors popping in for a check and immediately turning away embarrassed all the time?
Maybe they have to ask permission at the family spying desk and the attendant will just shake their head and say “umm… Nows really not the best time. Gobble gobble if you catch my drift.”
I can’t imagine how many embarrassing reunions there would be in heaven, or maybe hell is just filling to the brim lol
maybe its like a studio room, where theres a sign outside the door, that lights up “sex” or something.
It’s kinda like a Facebook birthday reminder, for whatever kind of things they would want to see. As long as heaven can design a good algorithm, there’s no big issues.
This question is addressed in the book “The Lovely Bones”
And for us dumbass’s, what was the answer?
People in heaven watch whatever they want
Bortles!
Jk I’m a Niners fan and I know this is the bad place
Cheers!
Frasier!
She has it all wrong: Grandma and her other ancestors aren’t watching from heaven or whatever they’re inside her. Passive guests in her body that get to “live on via their children and grandchildren.” Literally.
Grandma tasted those balls right along with you, girl! It’s like that saying, “if you’re cold, they’re cold.”
“That’s my girl, just like I taught her!”
